First let me warn all the women out there who are waiting with bated breath to get engaged. You don’t think it is going to change you or your life overnight, BUT IT DOES. Even if you are a cynic, like me. I didn’t think I was that impatient about the whole thing but as it turns out, I was. And when he proposed, I quickly turned to the other side. I bought magazines, signed up at TheKnot, talked incessantly about wedding stuff…for about a month. Then I didn’t revisit the topic for like 4 months then I became resentful of all the work I had ahead of me since I didn’t and don’t really want that big of a wedding (especially when the fiancée and I are the ones shelling out).
Let me also take a quick min to address something else that people don't really talk that much about. In my observations, women and men operate on totally different time tables. Whoaaa breaking news, I know- I’m really blowing the whistle on this one- alert the presses! Ok, seriously, though- it’s something maybe we all hear about but perhaps don’t internalize? One trouble with this is that either the man or the woman is seen at fault when they are not on the same page. This is totally wrong. I love my fiancée more than anyone in the world but by the time he proposed (even though he caught me COMPLETELY off guard) I was kinda ticked off and definitely hurting. Women take it very personally when a man doesn’t propose on her timeline. And men get slammed with criticism if they don’t operate on someone else’s timeline. I regret my pain (I especially regret my snarky comments and exasperated sighs when our peers got engaged before us). Unfortunately, I know many, many other women who were (or are) in the EXACT SAME SHOES I was in. It’s a tough, tough place to be and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. But I also wouldn’t want to be in the guy’s shoes, either. Hope this isn’t TMI (too much information for those of you who may not be “Cosmo girls”) – I think it’s the kind of stuff no one talks about that many people go through. So yeah, maybe I am blowing the whistle a little bit. There should be a whole blog dedicated to the intricacies of the relationship between 2 engaged people. It’s a whole huge thing in and of itself.
So after soul searching and yes, some drama (AFTER the proposal- perhaps we’ll revisit that subject another day), my guy and I got on the same page and are now slowly but surely planning an amazingly fabulous party to celebrate the people we love, to celebrate each other, and most importantly, to celebrate our big decision.
We began our hunt for a venue online. It quickly became clear that we would need to visit places in person- that looking online just wouldn’t cut it. The first place we went to was an organic vineyard out East. It was…not great. Granted, we went in the middle of winter when farms and vineyards are like, the bleakest most desolate places on Earth, but it was still an interesting experience.
The inn on the vineyard that they would rent out to us was a big, fantastic farmhouse with the most amazing kitchen I have ever seen in my life. One uncomfortable thing about it was that each bedroom was within a foot of each other and it seemed like there would be no privacy. Weird for a wedding weekend. Weird for everyone involved, especially for “divorced” families who would presumably be the ones staying onsite at the inn. Hmm.
Also, EXPENSIVE. Several thousand (7 ½ ? 8?) just for the privilege of using the site and inn. No food or anything included – or bathrooms- they won’t let you use the ones in the inn during the reception. Oh, and there are only 4 rooms in the inn. And it was really far out East.
Mmmmm. We left feeling overwhelmed. We kept researching, but luckily not for long.
I spoke with some catering halls. Boy were they “shticky.” The man and I quickly rejected those. There are many beautiful and classy catering halls out there but not in our price range (or so we thought- boy have we made some expensive mistakes). We assumed it would be way cheaper and way more original to rent out a place like a vineyard or public garden, then have outside catering come in – we thought it was the perfect way to have quality control AND cost control. Ehh not so much- the catering is going to cost just as much as if we had it in a hall, but at least we are in love with the venue (and we weren’t in love with the other, more traditional venues) AND we can have our ceremony there, as well. AND a big house to rent out (but not stay in). AND there is historical significance. AND we are actually saving overall, as it turns out (we’re just not saving on food/drinks). AND now maybe it’s time to tell the story of how we chose the spot we chose.
It’s actually not that much of a story. I made some calls, heard about this place called “
Anyway, we drove away after our initial viewing knowing full well that’s what we were going to choose, but both B (I decided I shall call him by his first initial here on out) and I are not impulsive and we thought it best to drive away. We made a deposit about 4 days later (if that).
Next up, caterers….oh, get ready.
